Let's leave aside the obvious part about how I'm slow and focus on all the *other* reasons why I will never be part of the paceline, shall we?
1. I don't have the bike. I wouldn't even know how to go about buying a fast bike.
2. I don't like fixing flats.
3. I don't like the outfits. Like, at all. I like t-shirts and shorts. I despise the sausage pants with the padded ass, and reserve them for when I've had more than four or five long (like >80km, it's long in my world) days without a rest day.
4. I like to look at scenery. That is best done sitting upright, not focused on the rear wheel in front of me.
5. I like all sorts of detours, and don't want to worry if my rims can handle the gravelly washboard / mud / potholes.
6. I like to take along a bunch of crap. Today, in my pannier, I had my lock, a raincoat, a long sleeve shirt, my camera, three liters of water / iced tea, a map, a gps, and a whole lot of snacks.
7. The snacks are the real reason. I think guzzling gatorade and slurping energy gels is a fate worse than spinning class in the summer. Over my 91 km today, I ate leftover pasta, drank a whole liter of iced tea, and had a whack of cherries. Can't fit that stuff in three pockets on the back of your jersey.
8. But don't forget, I'm slow. And not just because of the snack breaks.