Tonight, Chris Campbell sent around a picture he took of the harvest moon last night. It was one of those jaw drop inspiring pictures. It was also taken by a professional with a professional quality camera. That alone should leave me intimidated to pick up my camera of choice (I joked to Chris, in an email, that the Rebel was now hiding in a drawer, feeling hopelessly inadequate). I stuck Chris' harvest moon on my desktop as my new wallpaper, and then I teased the Rebel into coming out.
I didn't haul out a tripod. I didn't get a good moon shot. But I've developed a bit of a tractor obsession of late, and now, I have a tractor by the light of the moon shot. Instead of a tripod, I used plastic buckets, with a pair of snips to hold up the lens, and then self-timer. Very professional, me.
After that, I went for a walk through the paddock to the sunflower patch - when I saw that the yellow by moonlight came out, I wanted to take sunflowers by moonlight. But the sunflowers were in moonshadow (and if I ever get silly enough to write a poem, that will be in there: the sunflowers were in moonshadow), and I couldn't quite convince myself to root through my carefully put together so nothing avalanches out closet of doom to look for the tripod to get a silhouette. Sloth wins out over restlessness.
I am restless tonight. The last months have not been what I would like out of summer: I've gone on barely any trips. I've bailed on more than at any other time in my life. I don't want to go because it's raining, I'm too tired, I have another commitment. All true. But I also know that, two years ago, that wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't have been too tired or too afraid of getting wet to go. And as for other commitments? I'm such an ass, I even bailed on a friend's *wedding* because it fell in the middle of a long weekend.
And now? I'm too tired, too busy, it's too wet. I cancelled a trip just yesterday. I don't know what it is with me - aside from the obvious busy times at work. It's not just backcountry stuff I'm a weenie on - I only made it home once this summer. I want to go on the trips, I want to go to Amogla, I want the life I was so good at having a while back. I just don't have enough energy. I think this will pass, once I manage to leap over a series of hurdles I've foolishly put in my own path.
And I still love it as much as ever, when I'm actually out there! I think I need a trip planner: somebody who plans the trip and gets the gear ready and packs the food and all I have to do is help load the boat. Actually, some of the time, I'd settle for having boat-loading help. Or a way to store the boat that I could drive my car under it, lower the boat, and unload it similarly. I've heard of people who built their garages with this in mind. One day, I will be one of them.
The moon is messing with my head.
(I uploaded the tractor picture last night, at home. I called it up on my work computer, and it was hideously dark. Now, my monitor brightness is fine, so I'm confused. Now I've done a quickie brightening the photo up shot so it looks like it did at home, but I'm not sure... no doubt it looks crap somewhere else!)
Posted by Johanna at September 29, 2004 10:53 PM